sitting, waiting, wishing

Can you really come to live an eremitic life without your knowledge or consent? It seems as if it would be a voluntary choice rather than one brought about by necessity. Living in such a way now, a recluse from society and the world, makes it difficult to interact with others around you. I am not such a person. And, although I do enjoy my solitude, I don't thrive well in it.

I don't enjoy having to wait for a decision that will affect my life for the next year or two. It's extremely foggy and rainy today, and I find it beautiful, serene and calming. A feeling I welcome after many sleepless nights and endless days of sitting, waiting, wishing.

My thoughts are slightly scattered at the moment so I'll try and make sense of them. I saw a friend the other day and I started to wonder if you could truly be yourself around someone you were never completely verbally honest with? Are there certain things that can be better spoken without words? Can unspoken needs, wants or desires arise between two disparate individuals? There is so much that is lost in between it is hard to really pinpoint what it is that keeps you connected.