It seems that everyone is trying to be heard these days, and now I am one of them. One of the multitude of individuals with thoughts, ideas, and interests that are longing to be expressed.
Ever the daydreamer, my family would always hound me with questions on what I was thinking when I was younger. I don't know if it was reality I was escaping from, or if it was just a way of entertaining myself. Nevertheless, I cherish those 'daydreams' because I haven't been able to recollect those that occur at night for a while now. A fact I attribute to a dreamcatcher that was given to me by my father. However, on the rare occasion when I'm stressed, my nightmares take on a strange manifestation of what I'm stressed about. And those, I can't help but remember. Which is strange when I think about it, because good dreams are suppose to filter through, while bad dreams stay in the net...disappearing with the coming of the day.
Always drifting, thoughts never uttered, and now trying to be written. It was Cortazar who wrote, "all profound distraction opens certain doors. You have to allow yourself to be distracted when you are unable to concentrate." Finding myself unable to concentrate on anything remotely important or interesting these days, this is my poor attempt at some semblance of profound distraction.
Ever the daydreamer, my family would always hound me with questions on what I was thinking when I was younger. I don't know if it was reality I was escaping from, or if it was just a way of entertaining myself. Nevertheless, I cherish those 'daydreams' because I haven't been able to recollect those that occur at night for a while now. A fact I attribute to a dreamcatcher that was given to me by my father. However, on the rare occasion when I'm stressed, my nightmares take on a strange manifestation of what I'm stressed about. And those, I can't help but remember. Which is strange when I think about it, because good dreams are suppose to filter through, while bad dreams stay in the net...disappearing with the coming of the day.
Always drifting, thoughts never uttered, and now trying to be written. It was Cortazar who wrote, "all profound distraction opens certain doors. You have to allow yourself to be distracted when you are unable to concentrate." Finding myself unable to concentrate on anything remotely important or interesting these days, this is my poor attempt at some semblance of profound distraction.
I'm use to moving, and now I feel trapped. Stifled by my thoughts, trapped by my surroundings. I feel both restless and listless. Whenever I feel this weary, I would often 'escape,' without a destination in mind, searching, travelling, discovering, a sort of destroyer of compasses. Organizing my thoughts on this blog is my own way of living and breathing again.
Feeling so confined made me think of Jean Luc Godard's "A Bout de Souffle," one of my favorite movies. Godard's intelligent use of the film medium to convey the lives and thoughts of the characters in the film, played by Jean Seberg and Jean Paul Belmondo are what truly make this idiosyncratic film. What Godard essentially does is allow viewers to develop their own sense of what is occurring through filling intended breaks, and a lack of continuity between scenes, with their imagination. Sentiments and viewpoints of others are not forced on the audience, as many films attempt to do so nowadays, rather the camera serves as an effective artistic device that give spectators a sense of what is occurring - what is being felt or thought - without it being readily apparent. I found the dialogue to also be extremely clever and candid.
I think we can all relate to the two characters, Patricia and Michel, who both attempt to find their place in the world and attempt to communicate that with one another.
"J'ignore si je suis malheureuse parce que je ne suis pas libre ou si je ne suis pas libre parce que je suis malheurese."
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